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Naked Cowboy Dialogue |
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Naked Cowboy Dialogue 'Knowing' that ideas are the precursors to our actions, these herein printed ideas are truly the essence of my genius, the greatest things I've ever accomplished. -Naked Cowboy (The "Shit" that dominates my actions!) "If I said it, then it's cool as hell and needs to be recorded." "Any dominating idea, plan or purpose held in your conscious mind through repeated effort and emotionalized by a burning desire for it's realization is taken over by the subconscious mind and acted upon through whatever natural and logical means may be available." Loose Ends (Tongue and Cheek) (Naked Cowboy addresses the crowd) "Let's go folks, step up and get your photo, only get one second with the king!" -N.C. "Winter sharpens my skills, I've got thirty to forty minutes of life-line to get to my island in the middle of Times Square, take as many photos as super-humanly possible, get back and avoid anything or anyone who would appose me. I've got to get at least $100 dollars out of some tight New York City Christmas shopping tourists without freezing to death prior." -N.C. "What does NYC on your underwear stand for?" -tourist "You know, if you just remove the clouds, the gusty winds and the cold front, it's really a damn nice day!" -N.C. "Who'd you expect, Frosty the Snowman?" (Naked Cowboy in the dead of winter) - N.C. (Naked Cowboy walks through an enormous crowd of New York City police officers) "Damn, this guys like a train wreck, you can't stop lookin' at him!" - Police Captain (Dude takes a photo of me hugging his chick) "I love your act!" -tourist I had a bare empty apartment, with mirrors on every wall. I owned a spoon, a knife, a fork, a bed, a guitar and thirty-six pairs of underwear. I have an overwhelming fascination with being the center of attention. What would you have done? - N.C. Every so many years a cowboy comes through history and becomes a symbol for the times in which they live. They do so by rigorously holding themselves to their society's most sought after characteristics/attributes, (industry, personal initiative, free-enterprise, entrepreneurship, self-determination, trademark protection), and doing so with more intensity and faith than is necessary to cast them way outside of the society held norms/standards. I'm the cowboy of our times. I seek faithfully to be the cowboy of our age. I marshal simplicity, honesty, love and courage. Some other great cowboys? I've heard of Gene Autry, Hop-a-long Cassidy, Will Rogers, but I have not personally experienced any of them. - N.C. "Why do you do this?" -tourist "O.K. Naked Cowboy, I'm gonna have to ask you to move north a couple of blocks. Hey, I said I need you to move a couple of blocks north of here." -Times Square police officer "Robert I read your whole book "Naked Cowboy Dialogue" and I can say without a doubt that you are a megalomaniac!" -Kevin Connell (January 19, 2002) "Damn Naked Cowboy, it's not summer any more!" -New Yorker "You've gotta be kidding!" -New Yorker
"What do you want to say Naked Cowboy?" -radio show producer Hey now ladies, please, I'm not just a piece of meat! - N.C. Psychosis brings about new ideas and opportunities.- N.C. I called the trademark office in Washington D.C. and told the lady on the phone I was interested in getting a trademark on Naked Cowboy to keep anyone else from capitalizing on my idea. She asked if I was really sure I needed one? - N.C. When I told a friend at work that I came up with my new underwear line, 'skidmarks,' she said that she was sure someone else came up with that long before me. - N.C. Elvis! Are you kidding? I make Elvis look like a dork! - N.C. "What did you do, just step out of a magazine?" -tourist "Have you received any record deals?" -radio host I don't want to drop the ball, no pun intended. - N.C. (a truck driver exits his truck in the middle of Broadway in New York City and hollers in disbelief seeing Naked Cowboy still playing despite freezing temperatures) "Naked Cowboy, you've got to be the strongest man in this city!" -truck driver I've been arrested 42 times since January, but, that's last January! - N.C. "Do you ever perform completely naked?" -talk show host (In freezing temperatures) A dollar in the boot please, I've got big medical bills. - N.C. A dollar in the boot please, I've got big underwear costs. - N.C. "Why didn't you perform at Times Square during the New Years Celebration?" -Times Square security People please, stay out of the street, these people will run right over ya'! They're crazy here! - N.C. (After completing a song on the microphone for a large audience in a bar on Bourbon Street) "They looked at Elvis the same damn way." -N.C. "Man your brave." -tourist I really do got to stop being so concerned with what people think? - N.C. (while giving Naked Cowboy a dollar) "Here, buy yourself some clothes!" -tourist "Well, you've finally made it to Broadway!" -New Yorker Isn't it amazing how much can be done with so little? - N.C. (At Fridays' restaurant employee speaking to me in reference to my coming and going and traveling at will) "I wish I could go here, there, wherever I want, whenever I want to!" -Co-worker "Now that's the best Naked Cowboy I've seen yet!" -Mardi Gras tourist I was in Buffalo New York performing next to a hot dog vendor on my first tour of the East Coast. A lady approached me and asked, "are you advertising for the six inch or the foot long?" (in front of MTV's, popular show TRL) "Hey look, Naked Cowboy, Puff Daddy and J Lo are in the studio!!!" -groupie "What do you think of the Back Street Boys?" -MTV's Ian (directed to a police officer) Please, don't scuff the uniform. -N.C. (three women fighting with each other about who would stand next to me) "Ladies please, you've all seen a man in his underwear." -N.C. Don't piss me off, I've been known to go off the deep end. -N.C. I got my first serious write up in Newsweek International, however, they titled it, "Fruit of the Loon." -N.C. "What posses' you to do this?" -tourist "Why do you call yourself Naked Cowboy?" -tourist I had just performed at Oktoberfest Zinzinnati and was urinating in a parking lot way off to the side behind a van when a couple snuck up behind me and said "man, you've got a great shtick." I just looked over my shoulder and replied, "What exactly are you referring to." -N.C. (While touring the country in my car) I've created a travel guide to the seediest hotels, motels and kitchenettes across the country. It includes a gas station to gas station map that will allow you to live on power bars and over the counter stimulants. I'm not sure if I created this diet while touring or if the diet caused the touring in the first place. -N.C. For obvious reasons I try not to work to hard. -N.C. "What do your parents think?" -city dweller "Do girls hit on you?" -fool "You're crazy!!!" -New Yorker In my case, it's better to have a stiff audience than to be a stiff entertainer. -N.C. "Do the police ever give you any trouble?" -fan I've performed at over 900 events in two years and been thrown out of roughly 850. Maybe I should let someone involved know that I'm coming? -N.C. I performed at the Smyrna Air Show in Nashville. I snuck in, got to a port-o-let and changed into Naked Cowboy. I then paraded around in the massive crowds until security arrested me. Meanwhile everyone in the crowd was starring straight up at the planes and saw none of it! A police officer then came to me at the car and said, "your hat shouldn't read Naked Cowboy, it should read Naked Goof." I just glared over at him and said, "sir, how old are you?" -N.C. Anything can be sold if you're a great salesman. (if you've got great packaging) -N.C. I was playing on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras and my boots were just bursting with cash and it was being stuffed in at an amazing rate as lines formed to have photos shot with me. I looked over at a woman who looked on in utter distress and said, "yeah honey I know, I'm gonna be found dead in an ally way with my feet severed off." -N.C. I was arrested for grand marshalling the Kentucky Derby Parade and put into a holding tank with about forty other "law offenders." I was in underwear, boots and hat carrying a guitar. When it was my turn to tell the other guys what I "didn't do," I just claimed, "I was framed." -N.C. I guess it's kind of ridiculous to be Naked Cowboy and think that I can't think outside of the box. -N.C. I'm not selling out. I'm sold out! -N.C. I don't want to appear desperate. -N.C. I don't want to look stupid/ridiculous. -N.C. I only make brief appearances. -N.C. After being turned down many, many times due to the fact that I wear underwear, I got a call from a rather popular TV. Show called the 'View." They said they were interested in booking me, "please send video." They later called and said they "had to pass." When asked if it was the outfit, the producer calmly said, "No, we love the outfit, the guy can't sing!" -N.C. (after eighteen days straight in New Orleans, including the day proceeding Fat Tuesday) "Damn I can't believe I've been here for eighteen days and haven't gotten my ass kicked yet!" N.C. I'm really not interested in having little girls scream for me just because they saw me on T.V. (O.K., I love that too) I'm interested in grown men and women approaching me and shaking my hand because they know what I do is the most heroic thing that can be done! -N.C. I was handcuffed to a park bench on the main drag in the city of Birmingham, Alabama by police officers while the police who stuck me there were deciding what to do with me next. A man came and sat beside me claiming that he was a personal manager and that he wanted to help me. He said that I "needed some direction." I said, "man, your advice is already just so profound!" -N.C. Sure, I guess sex sells, but I'm not selling sex, I'm selling determination. I'm currently not allowed in Tri -County Mall, Indianapolis 500 Freeway, Cinergy Field, Wrigley Field, Comisky Park, Cleveland Stadium, Rockefeller Plaza, Ed Sullivan Theatre, Louisville, do I need to go on? -N.C. I'm not gonna put on some dumb ass monkey suit just to make money! -N.C. "I hear you're really smart." -tourist "How old are you?" -D.J. "What are you doing?" -tourist I may be funny, but I ain't no joke. -N.C. Naked Cowboy, hero for hire. -N.C. Who needs luck when you've got all this going for ya? -N.C. My spurs are my last line of defense. The last thing the enemy will see. -N.C. (Naked Cowboy hollers at the back of a group of local's head's as they stand with their backs to him) "Don't look at the guy in his underwear! Oh, I'm sorry folks, I didn't mean to read your minds." -N.C. "You've got a great body." -tourist (Naked Cowboy just walking by) "Can you play that thing?" -local in New Orleans "Damn I forgot my camera!" -tourist (Naked Cowboy speaks to a crew manager for a shoot to occur on Times Square the following day) "I'll meet you on 45th and Broadway. I'll be the guy in my underwear." -N.C. Damn, I've been doing this so long I'm actually getting good. -N.C. It's been a "schlong" time a coming. -N.C. It's always summer in my world. There's just certain times throughout the year when it's harder to convince myself of that. -N.C. (With fake bubba teeth in) (Normal Naked Cowboy Continued) I know it might be hard to believe at the moment, but I'm the only normal person in my neighborhood. -N.C. I'm known for my looks, not my brains. -N.C. What do you got to do to get a little attention in the country? -N.C. Don't make a spectacle of me! -N.C. As you can clearly see, I've got plenty of time on my hands. -N.C. I can't quit now. I've got a monopoly. -N.C. If I can't make money with this, I'll be the first business with a monopoly that can't!!! -N.C. I'm just a misdirected superhero. -N.C. I'm the last guy on the planet that needs a gimmick, and the only guy, therefore, qualified and best able to have this one. You've got to be real confident in your abilities to make a mockery out of a mockery. It's not only the man on the street though, selling his talents, looking petty, possibly desperate, but the man in the big office overlooking Manhattan. He also, it could be argued, unless it's his office, has conformed and sold out his freedoms just for more money. I'd gander to say that for more money or benefit still, he'd go farther and is probably actively doing even more freedom infringing behaviors at all times to solicit more of his freedom to be in an even better place that will still not be his own. Seems that everything we do is geared towards giving away ourselves to be somebody else's ourselves. If it's not totally yours, it's fake? -N.C. Ready. Cocked and loaded. No pun intended. -N.C. Well sure, I don't want to get caught with my pants down. -N.C. Jeanne Moose of CNN came up to me for the first time performing on 6th street in NYC. She said to me, "what are you doing?" I looked back at her and said, "What are you doing?" -N.C. "Why don't you smile more?" tourist What some people struggle to accomplish, I easily accomplish with a pair of underwear and a big heart. -N.C. (Tourist points out my goose bumps) Nah, I ain't cold, those are new muscles coming in! -N.C. I'm the coolest thing to hit the fan since shit. -N.C. Professionalism means "you do the best job, hitting the mark no matter what! -N.C. Can't get into personal trouble when you have no rules. -N.C. My career has been built on failure. -N.C. Desperation is my greatest asset. -N.C. When I arrived they told me to make myself comfortable. -N.C. I had just began performing not yet even as Naked Cowboy. I called myself "John Robert Burck" and was doing a local bar called "Silky Shanohans", a place I had worked as a bouncer several years earlier. I played song after song, all originals. At this, my first gig, with ten friends present, possibly one or two non-solicited patrons, I completed my night with probably 40 songs. The bartender said to me, "can I get you anything, a beer, a gun?" -N.C. I'm thirty years old, I sing and play guitar in my underwear for a living. What could be bad news next to that? -N.C. My message, ironically, is to be all you can be! Don't take no for an answer. Refuse to be denied! -N.C. (On health) People who live the longest don't commonly share the same habits such as non-smoking, non-drinking, abstinence, heavy active lives, etc. What we all have in common is a consuming reason to live. An over-riding purpose with which no one can convince us we won't accomplish. It's again, an over-riding objective or purpose that moves the human spirit onward and that makes one indestructible. -N.C. My most recent song is titled, "Chicken Soup Makes Me Poop." -N.C. I do a song parody called, "You Ain't Nothing But A Cookie Monster." -N.C. I stood in front of Bill Gates, what, the richest guy in America and thought; this guy would do anything to be me. -N.C. Not just another pretty face, but a pretty body too. -N.C. Naked Cowboy, the sleekest, bad-ass vehicle to ever ride the waves of consciousness. -N.C. Naked Cowboy, translation, honest frontiersman. -N.C. Ironically, I'm the man most in touch with the ordinary man on the street. -N.C. I'd eventually like a brief term in office. -N.C. "Are you a stripper?" -fan Every crowd is my crowd; it's just a matter of where the biggest crowd is. -N.C. "Are you crazy?" -tourist Ironically, I'm not selling out. -N.C. I'm famous; I'm not rich and famous. Yet! -N.C. You wouldn't believe the shit that goes on when I'm alone. -N.C. I don't participate in the days of the week. -N.C. "Put some ************clothes on you ********!!!" -future fan (posing with two women on Times Square) O.K. ladies, let's make a 'Naked Cowboy sandwich.' Meat in the middle. -N.C. I've got an adult underwear line called 'Skidmarks,' I make them myself. I also have a kid's line called 'Switcheroos.' -N.C. "What are you doing?" -future fan "Who do you think you are?" -security "Your in my jurisdiction." -police officer "Why are you wearing underwear?" -tourist (Demonstrating with two pairs of underwear) This is my underwear, this is my outerwear. -N.C. What's really ridiculous is that I'm thirty years old. -N.C. "Naked Cowboy, you can't play today, it's raining!" -New Yorker Nowhere to go but up. -N.C. "Are you the real Naked Cowboy?" -New Orleans' tourist (Mindy complains about the thick, gray sludge that is constantly being drooled down the curb on Bourbon Street) "I can't believe how gross that is. It makes me sick to see it and it smells like hell." Mindy Osborn "Hold on, I can't get this damn camera to work!" -tourist I'm gonna capture the hearts of humanity all day long, what a beautiful thing. -N.C. "You sure are brave." -tourist (Naked Cowboy in New Orleans) "What the hell are you doing down here, you're supposed to be in New York City!" -New Yorker "You look like Fabio." -tourist "Haven't I seen you in a commercial?" -tourist "Why don't you stay in one place and play instead of walking all over the place? You'd make more money." -New Orleans' street performer "You shoot photos with guys?" -homophobe I'm at the top of the bottom. -N.C. It really does just get stupider every day doesn't it? -N.C. I never put a lot of faith in guidance counselors. -N.C. "What are you doing?" -tourist I'm the best, but for some reason, people won't seem to take me seriously! -N.C. "But why do you have to be so famous? -Nancy Rawlingson "Your serious. That's why your funny." -Jim Richards I feel like a million dollars that's been drug through a pile of shit. -N.C. I'm the hap, hap, happiest guy in the world till you piss me off! -N.C. Live fearlessly and most famously. -N.C. Man, I've got the perfect song, "Hog Ball Dance! -N.C. "Why are you doing that?" -tourist (while donating a fan to a neighbor at summer's end) "I don't keep things around that do not serve me." -N.C. (while dumping three packets of 'Equal' brand sweetener into a cup of coffee) Naked Cowboy, accept no substitute! I'm as American as it gets! -N.C. I have a list of my five favorite songs: Balls of Steel, Ass Kicked by a Man in His Underwear, She Wanted it All Night Long, I Had to Give it to Her, HEEEEEeee, I Feel a Little Bit Horse Tonight, and Hog Ball Dance. I consider these timeless classics, and so they are!!! -N.C. (in a gorilla suit, underwear, hat, boots, with guitar at the entrance of the Howard Stern Studio) "Sorry Naked Cowboy, Howard is not going to be able to see you today." -K.C. Armstrong "How are you going to make money?" -Georgio Umberto Bozzo, Italian Radio interview At times I put in fake Bubba Buck Teeth and wear phony glasses. I think it's so funny cause it makes me look stupid. -N.C. (speaking to Newsweek International) I have a Political Science Degree from the University of Cincinnati because I knew even then that I'd be the most important political figure of our times. -N.C. "Your about risk." - Publicist "I want to speak, then watch the nations of this world move. I will speak with unfathomable authority; straight from my soul will I thrust out the devils of poor action and demeanor in my fellow man. I will be the relentless speaker. I will be the boundless speaker. I will represent my creator indulgently as the most loving speaker, always speaking. God I seek to deliver your message in tones that cannot be denied! -N.C. (goose bumps) Oh shit, I'm breaking out in commitment! -N.C. My work at TGI Fridays is as important as my work is anywhere. It's more personal with far greater capacity for love transmission, character development, and radical marketing. Hard work consistently applied makes genius. -N.C. "Don't you get sick out here in the cold?" -tourist "What do you say to your critics who call you a 'wanna-be?' -interviewer "Say cheese." -tourist with camera "You better be wearing sunscreen!" -irate woman I'm a total success at complete failure. -N.C. It's really ingenious how I set this thing up! You see I decided that I'd just begin by accepting the worst-case scenario. I'll be the world's biggest nobody. The guy who couldn't get a break. The guy who would never get the chance at success, but who never gave up! This way, being at the bottom ensures me top success. Worst-case scenario now, I become the biggest somebody to ever grace the entertainment industry and incidentally, a role model for loving/effective living and succeeding. -N.C. Conquering humanity is just beginning to become old hat. It's just too easy for me! -N.C. The process of freezing is the hard part, once your numb it's all downhill. -N.C. (Interviewer remarks that he is standing on Times Square with Naked Cowboy) "Hey this is my office your just waltzing in on!" -N.C. No really, things are just beginning to take off! -N.C. I simply procrastinate, put off relaxing because I have a nation to entertain and do not want to waste any time. -N.C. I'm going to build my first castle and call it Mindy. My second will be named Ann, and my third will be named Osborne. -N.C. I have a new mascot. It's a mutt that wears underwear. I walk it around with me on a leash. His name is skidmark. -N.C. Yes I wear an American flag at times on my back! If you can make Captain America look like a communist while encouraging Americanism, it's o.k. ! -N.C. How can you be a man and not desire a woman? -N.C. I'm the only normal person in this city! -N.C. You don't have a dollar; well then I guess you'll have to stiff me. -N.C. (front double biceps pose) I wonder what their policy is on gun control. (on bearing arms)? -N.C. Believe me, this is just one in a very long stream of bad ideas. You might actually say we're dealing with an unstoppable river at this point. -N.C. "Your nuts!" -New Yorker Whoa, now, no reason to hit below the belt. You can see I'm not wearing any pants. -N.C. Don't be nervous folks; just picture me in my underwear. I know it takes a little imagination. -N.C. I feel a little bit nervous up here in front of you all without my handcuffs. -N.C. I'm not nervous, I'm just picturing you all in you underwear. Except you honey, I took yours off. -N.C. "What's the craziest thing you've ever done?" -friend I'm the last person you want to see with his panties in a wad! -N.C. It can be misleading, but nakedcowboy.com is really a large outfit. -N.C. Naked Cowboy, small outfit, big business. -N.C. (with cape) Yeah, I just flew in from ……-N.C. It don't sound good at all, but it's loud. -N.C. You've gotta do something in your spare time. -N.C. You know, it was the best thing I could come up with at the time. -N.C. (While being tossed out of a German Festival in Cincinnati) Hey you're letting people run around here in all kinds of silly outfits. I'm three quarters German!!!! -N.C. (While being hauled out of yet another event that I was not invited to) Boy, you all got a strict dress code here. -N.C. (Standing in front of a mule on Bourbon Street) You jackass!!! -N.C. (strutting past the parking attendants in New York City's Times Square for the umpteenth day straight) "Today is the day!" -N.C. (Naked Cowboy hollers to passing people as he's being led out of the Our Lady of the Rosary Octoberfest) "Dude don't even think about playing the big 6 here! They'll take the shirt right off your back. They're brutal!!! I thought this was a church sponsored, family friendly, fund raiser?" -N.C. "Hey man, put a sock in it!" -future fan I dress like a complete nerd when I'm not performing as Naked Cowboy. I like the contrast. -N.C. "Why are you Naked?" -tourist The goal is not to make money. The goal is to take unprecedented action towards the achievement of my most sought after dreams, goals, and ambitions. -N.C. Sometimes I get irritable, testy if you'll ignore the pun. -N.C. Thanks for the opportunity to beef up your radio/TV audience. -N.C. Yeah, the guitar sounds like shit but it was free. -N.C. (question asked of Naked Cowboy at the premier of "American Icon") "Can you tell us about your theory of Quantum Physics?" -columnist It might seem hard to believe, but I've actually come a long way. -N.C. It's not where you are; it's where you're heading. Clearly I have nowhere to go but up! -N.C. All work and no play makes Johnny anything, but, a dull boy. -N.C. "Do you ever just feel like a complete butthole?" -Matt Stumph I think this is just another ticking box!!! -N.C. Come here a minute, let me lower you IQ. -N.C. No really, this is my public face. -N.C. (Naked Cowboy at Fridays) Are you here to work, or screw off and have a good time? Put that broom down! -N.C. Naked Cowboy means, "I will move forward despite any odds." -N.C. I just had a cab driver tell me to "get a life." Dude must love traffic. -N.C. (while fumbling simple tasks) Hopefully this will be the hardest thing I have to do today. -N.C. Naked Cowboy nightgowns created for her sleeping pleasure. Hand painted by Naked Cowboy himself. If it's beautiful, it's marketable. -N.C. You know who's wearing the pants in my family? Nobody! -N.C. Why wouldn't he be out here every day? (asked a wise tourist) -N.C. Skidmarks Underwear, the underwear for men who need a constant reminder to whip out there balls of steel. -N.C. "Why do you have a devil on your right arm and Jesus on your left? - Tourist I'm just a skidmark on the underwear of humanity. -N.C. "You're a big guy." -tourist I'm living the dream. -N.C. "You've got a lot of heart Naked Cowboy." -security guard "Jim, do I look like a complete idiot out there?" -N.C. "What are you promoting?" -tourist (Tourist points to her friend and says) "She likes you!" -Tourist "What are you promoting?" -tourist Man, I've got way too much time on my hands. -N.C. The journey of life is cumulative, action atop action. A series of events wherein you continue to live famously. -N.C. Ironically, the message of Naked Cowboy is to go out to be somebody. "What are you doing?" -tourist It's known that a clear, unquestioned objective will provide all that one needs. That a clear unquestioned objective creates an environment where even nature itself conspires to serve us! -N.C. Tell a buddy, tell a friend, I'm the new Cincinnati Red's mascot. -N.C. I'm getting ready for another tour. Mudbone Mississippi, Milkfilth Massachessetts, Mooseholler Minnesota, you know, all the places I'm not yet on probation. -N.C. My signature, Skidmarks. Perhaps a track record. -N.C. Times Square is my office. -N.C. Your really not helping the matter any by being an idiot. -N.C. (to the people at the Today Show railing who wouldn't let me come strolling through as I planned) Media whores!!! -N.C. (in regards to Nascar) Hey, I've found another audience that can't run away! -N.C. (in regards to Nascar) This is the second best idea I've ever had. Out of fairness to you, I want to remind you to take a good look at the first best idea I've ever had. -N.C. Everything I do just bulldozers my efforts forward. That's why it's so damn cool to be me and to live my life. -N.C. How would you be training if you were competing on the stage of the world tomorrow? You see, that's how you've got to train and work daily because that is exactly what you are doing. -N.C. "I hope you're wearing sunscreen." -scardy cat "You've got a great job!" -tourist (UPS delivery cart pulls up on the island on Times Square where Naked Cowboy performs daily) "Hey you got a package for me yet?" -N.C. (Two men walk by the Naked Cowboy carrying stacks of full pizza boxes) "Hey you guys ain't making this diet any easier!" -N.C. (Fox news interviews several children on Times Square then approach the Naked Cowboy) "Hey Naked, do you want to recite the "Pledge of the Legence" on camera for Fox Television?" -host Dude, don't sneak up on me like that, I don't trust anybody. -N.C. "Don't quit your day job!" -Tourist "Cigarrettes are going up to $7 in NYC!" -Jim Richards Hey look, I know this is ridiculous. -N.C. Do the training, do the marketing, do the loving!!! -N.C. "You've got to be pulling my leg?" -New Yorker You think this is ridiculous, you should see what I do after work. -N.C. "I've gotta put a dollar in your boot?" -tourist (in regards to the attempt to play center field for the Cincinnati Reds as Naked Cowboy) I work like a crazy man, the hardest working man alive, to bring you these precious memories and references. -N.C. When I stepped out on the ball field at Cinergy Stadium, I crossed the lines of peaceful promotion, and took the spotlight in speculative chance. I succeeded in capturing the media's attention, as well as, the praise and adoration of the fans. It's a new level of promotion. A new level of notoriety. This could be a new vehicle for both. Unfortunately, I'm now on probation and can't really do shit. -N.C. "Where's your horse?" -tourist "Why are you doing this?" -tourist "Do you still come out here in the winter?" -Tourist Power is the ability to act; therefore I am the most powerful man in the world. I will explode my current level of fame to unimaginable heights of mega-super-stardom. Whatever it takes (WIT) is the only healthy, divine way to live. -N.C. I'm the Mack Daddy. -N.C. If I feel like doing it, it's what I should do. My divine agenda as the "most celebrated entertainer of all time" ensures my legitimacy and immunity. -N.C. Worry, anxiety and frustration are consistently and increasingly dissipating out of my conscious and unconscious reality. More and more I am ever in flow with unity and ease. -N.C. If I say it is so, then it is so. -N.C. It's not about what it's gonna get you for each and every attempt to promote Naked Cowboy. It's about simply going out and promoting. Numbers are important, quantity I mean, but one is equal to the sum of the whole when you communicate from the heart. -N.C. "Only in New York!" -tourist "What are you doing?" (playing vigorously) -tourist What are you looking at weirdo? -N.C. I'm a billboard for my parent's superior DNA. -N.C. I'm allowing my life to serve as a metaphor for possibilities. -N.C. 'Naked' is just a metaphor for how I live my life. It's about being honest, doing my best, and adjusting my behavior until I am as I seek to be, King!!! -N.C. I got up, got dressed, went to work, here's your flier. -N.C. Being in underwear just isn't enough any more. I can't even get arrested trying. It's all just a big joke now. -N.C. I only make 'brief' appearances. -N.C. You can't wait for the perfect opportunity to do your work. Take me for instance. When will it be the perfect opportunity to play guitar in your underwear in front of huge unsuspecting crowds? -N.C. (guitar) Yeah it sounds like shit, but it was free. -N.C. "Did you loose a bet?" -tourist "What are you doing?" -onlooker The time clock is the leading instrument of fools. -N.C. 'Naked Cowboy' is the exception to every rule. -N.C. (as an enthusiastic spectator attempts to give me a dollar) Do you think I'd do this for a dollar? -N.C. "How much are they paying you to do this?" -tourist (after several hours of playing without interruption by police) Where are the authorities in this town? -N.C. (Police officer approaches Naked Cowboy) "Sir, I'm going to need to see some identification!" -officer Do you know where I can find a good bar or a club? To beat you over the head with! -N.C. "What if this whole thing doesn't work out?" -producer I know it doesn't seem funny now, but you'll be laughing your ass off later. I'm funny in the long term. -N.C. "What if people don't like you?" -spectator I make Captain America look like a communist. -N.C. Desperation is my greatest asset. -N.C. What use have I for pride? -N.C. My career has been built on failure. -N.C. Dollar in the boot please, your money goes for sunscreen, underwear and my new Lexus. -N.C. "Don't quit your day job!" -New Yorker I'm a lesson in humility. -N.C. Think biggest, do what you want, contacts are everything. -N.C. "You're going to get sick!" -tourist When I'm feeling down it's cause I'm failing, or temporarily, at least, not using/utilizing my unequalled creative powers/majesty to create anew. -N.C. I was passing out flyers for a friend of mine whose business was closing down. The flyer was informing his prospective clients about a great sale in which he was anticipating clearing his remaining inventory. As I entered another shop that offered the same services and merchandise I thought to myself, hell, when a client doesn't like his business' offerings, they can simply go elsewhere for the same thing, no problem. Then I thought, well, not with my business. There's only one Naked Cowboy, and if you want it, you've gotta get it from me. -N.C. I spend my days counting the people who are counting on me. -N.C. "You work on Sundays?" -New Yorker Mastery happens by adhering to simple fundamentals. -N.C. Find ways to give back as your wealth increases to condition the mind to understand that there is more than enough. Teach it to want to give of the increasing rewards that you are enjoying. -N.C. I'm allowing my life to serve as a metaphor for possibilities. -N.C. You can't sit at home to create great comedy. You've got to go out and make it, live it, experience it, be it. -N.C. I may not be funny now, but you'll be laughing your ass off later. I'm funny in the long term. -N.C. I've got a monopoly on the world's biggest cahoonas/balls. -N.C. Hey, when I came in they told me to make myself comfortable. -N.C. I may be funny, but I ain't no joke. -N.C. What's funny about me is that I'm dead serious. -N.C. "Are you filming for 'Jack-Ass?'" -tourist I'm wearing twice as much as a big time wrestler. The largest entertainment venue in the world for children. -N.C. Kids love Naked Cowboy. I see their response. Come to think about it, women and men love it too. Hell, everyone loves Naked Cowboy. -N.C. I'm not in a position to call anyone a weirdo. -N.C. "He's limiting his roles." -concerned fan "Why don't you do scheduled events?" -fan Do I look like someone who likes to waste a lot of time? -N.C. The physiology of happiness, a smile. -N.C. It's just one of those things, once you know that you're in control of your state, it's impossible to excuse yourself from a state of absolute power. -N.C. "What would you do if you knew no fear?" -observer So what if I'm the world's biggest 'himbo.' -N.C. I tried to get my girlfriend to dress as Naked Cowgirl to get me on the Howard Stern Show. When she declined I took the matter into my own bikini. -N.C. I personally make 500,000 to 1,000,000 people laugh daily. -N.C. My girlfriends parents told her she could do much better. I told her she would never find a guy who could sing and play guitar in his underwear better than me. -N.C. I took my girlfriend to an event and she passed out fliers for me. A man came up and asked why she didn't dress like me. I told him flat out. "No balls!" -N.C. "Your not taken seriously." -fan "Does your mother know what your doing?" -tourist "You've gotta be kidding me." -spectator I decided that I would begin my "Only In America Tour" on May 14, 2002 in Frankfurt, Germany! -N.C. "You truly are one of a kind."(I've heard it a million times) -N.C. "What are you doing?" -tourist I don't tell people to have a nice day. It's not enough. I tell them to have a nice life. We live in a volatile world, I don't know if I'll ever see the same people again. Have a nice life ensures that I gave them a most favorable outcome to strive for. Any fool can have a nice day. -N.C. Every entertainer has a signature outfit, mine just happens to be my body. It's un-duplicable. -N.C. Sex sells, yes, but I'm not selling sex. I'm selling determination. -N.C. I'm demonstrating the potential of the human spirit with an unquestioned objective. -N.C. I'm not reaching people in the conventional way. You can't be conventional. You've got to be innovative; you've got to be original. -N.C. Some like me, some don't, but to be fair, I've got to give everyone the opportunity. Work can be your work out, if it truly exhausts you, it's truly building you, developing you, for greater achievements and capacities. -N.C. Who do you know that's ever achieved outrageous success that wasn't considered crazy? Exactly! Nobody. -N.C. I'm just like anybody else, minus fear. -N.C. I believe in the beauty of America and the spirit of God that uninterruptedly runs through humanity. -N.C. I'm in debt to society to give it the most celebrated entertainer of all time. -N.C. I'm just trying to see how much effort I can put forth without actually accomplishing anything. -N.C. "Son, that there is balls." -tourist "Hey, put a sock in it." -tourist "He's known as the world's biggest asshole." -spectator It's not a coincidence that the same people who don't know Naked Cowboy are the same people who think Elvis is the king of rock and roll. -N.C. The Naked Cowboy is an interactive international commercial that runs all day long and will continue to do so for eternity and beyond-N.C. Tips in the boots please, it's a family act. -N.C. "Naked Cowboy, if you're not here when I get back, what should I do? -tourist interested in taking a photo Yeah, I figured with the smog alert, the heat advisory, and the ozone warnings, it would be great to spend my day pinched between seven lanes of traffic in direct sunlight for several hours working vigorously. -N.C. "How long will you be here?" -tourist asks Naked Cowboy on Times Square (Ladies pushing each other at me on Times Square giggling prior to taking a photo) "Ladies, please, let's act like adults." -N.C. I grew up in a small town where I was to be feared. Because of this I never learned fear, I don't dwell on it, I don't attract it. -N.C. "Do you realize it's thirty degrees!" -tourist "Your gonna get sick." -tourist Business is down but I ain't! -N.C. "What are you doing?" -tourist "Aren't you cold?" (Twenty nine degrees) -tourist "Are you trying to get discovered?" -tourist "Are you cold?" (twenty degrees) -moron I manage and represent myself. Maybe that's the problem? -N.C. "You will be discovered." -spiritual agent "Do you get a lot of chicks?" -fan I'm the most photographed man in the world. -N.C. "Someone asked me about you and all I could tell them was that you were a New York City phenomenon." -New Yorker I wear a Teflon shield of humility. "I'm scared of this city." -Naked Cowboy fan I'm not in business to make money, I'm in business to create happiness. Money is just a resource I utilize to that end. -N.C. "You're the greatest self-promoter of all time." -Kenny Burck Jr. (after shooting a photo face forward with a tourist) "O.K. now, lets do the other side, I've gotta keep my tan even." -N.C. A grown man approaches me and says, "hey man, you've got a skidmark on your underwear." I look blankly at him and reply, "grow up!" -N.C. "Do you work out?" -tourist "You've got more balls than I do!" -tourist Sweetheart, would you like to strum my instrument? -N.C. If I weren't radiating love on all four cylinders, I'd get my ass kicked. -N.C. To be famous, live famously. -N.C. Some people are made into entertainers, some people are born entertainers. -N.C. "You've got a lot of confidence." -tourist I'm not selling out, I'm sold out. -N.C. An actually quite menacing man approaches Naked Cowboy and says, "you're the blue-eyed devil and you might be able to make money here, but you're not going to bring your evil in here! Here me now, I'm going to kill you! "Naked Cowboy replies, "well you're the third one now today, I'll tell you what I've told the others, get your gun I'll be right here when you get back. Oh, and take your time, for obvious reasons, I want to accomplish as much as I can before you get back. -N.C. This could be my last day dammit, so give it to me, let me have it! -N.C. "Why don't you put tips in your underwear?" -tourist Well I got to 'whatever it takes;' now I'm at as 'long as it takes.' -N.C. "Are you cold?" -tourist (Two grown men take down their pants beside me for a photo on Times Square) I'm building a multibillion-dollar entertainment company called nakedcowboy.com. I will achieve this with one character, the "most celebrated entertainer of all time," me, Naked Cowboy. -N.C. Be careful folks. There's a lot of weirdoes in the area. -N.C. "Are you rich yet?" -tourist I might be crazy now, but I wasn't when I got here. (Naked Cowboy reflects on Times Square) -N.C. "Hey man, what's up?" -Friend calls the apartment "Bit cold ain't it?" -weakling "What are you doing?" -tourist If I wanted to relax my physiology, I'd go to sleep! -N.C. "Do you do this in the snow?" -tourist "I gotta put a dollar in your boot?" -tourist A woman approaches me seeing that I'm actively working my ass of to make as many people happy and energized as humanly possible. She looks sternly at me and says, "who do you serve?" I reply, "God." She says, "no you don't!" I said, "yes I do." She then looks at me, again sternly and says, "who do you serve?" I reply, "God." She looks at me and says, "no you don't!" I look sternly at her and said, "O.K., I don't? Why did you ask?" -N.C. (A woman approaches me and hands me literature on Jesus) Why is it that with countless thousands of people wandering around thinking of nothing but themselves, making no active effort to do anything for anyone, at least not apparently, you come to me, a man expressing complete humility of heart, love, and sacrificing all he has to make a positive difference, with literature on Jesus. Didn't Jesus come and communicate that we were to live like him? Why is it that the only man out communicating in metaphors to the masses with nothing but his soul gets approached so frequently? Why are all these Christians so quick to judge? I think they're all just great, as I do all people. "Dude you've got balls the size of New York City." -New Yorker The only thing I won't entertain is the possibility that my agenda will not go through exactly as planned!!! -N.C. "Aren't you cold?" (thirty degrees) -tourist (A man uptown is asked where Toys-R-Us is located on Times Square) "Oh, that would be one block south of Naked Cowboy." -New Yorker Don't touch the squishy parts. -N.C. O.K., no funny stuff. -N.C. "I just hit my hand on something hard?" -female tourist The whole existence of Naked Cowboy is an exercise in "not-doing." -N.C. Nakedcowboy.com, small outfit, big business-N.C. What's so funny? -N.C. "Do you think your going to get anywhere?" -tourist "What are you smoking!? - tourist "Wow! You look even better up close!" - tourist "You've got a small package!" - Someone looking at my crotch! I'm looking for someone, one of the other majors, Calvin Klein, Joe Boxer, Hanes, or Fruit of the Loom, to take over the underwear line, "Skidmarks," at nakedcowboy.com! I really am more interested in my movie career and my music, but the underwear division of nakedcowboy.com is just taking up too much of my time! I'm getting all pooped out. -N.C. (A large group of people are standing with their backs to Naked Cowboy. A man drives by and throws a glass bottle of "pink smoothie drink shit" that splatters all over the group and misses Naked Cowboy entirely!) "Hey, y'all need to get on out of here before you get me hit with something!" NC (A group of onlookers sneer at Naked Cowboy) (Naked Cowboy addresses the crowd) "I am the epitome of effort in the absence of talent" -N.C. "As the undisputed King of Efficiency and Organization, I've simplified the task of Ruling the World." -N.C. I was asked today how it felt to know that I made and continue to make history by an interviewer. I said it felt "historical" - N.C.
It's basically like this. I read the book "Unlimited Power" by Anthony Robbins. I decided it was the most important book in the world. It spoke to me as no other has, it broke the chains for me, so to speak, making me aware that I am the master of my destiny. I wanted to prove how true it's content is and to communicate it to the masses in my own unique way, but felt that the message was communicated as perfect as it needed to be already or it wouldn't have caught me. My decision was to use all of his strategies, modeling, in particular, while creating the most amazing life serving as a testament to it's content's value. Now, my recommendation, read "Unlimited Power" as your text book on taking action and living your life by your own divine interpretation, and use my books as work books to see the finest detailing of it's limitless implications. Remember There is no right or wrong, there's only you, the creator, creating inspiration. Your gift is your existence and how you serve with it. It's never ending and need not be reserved! Wear and tear are but strengtheners of its character and design. It's simply action, unprecedented, signaling a call for personal praise for works best created, jobs perfectly executed, greatness served up relentlessly. Other people's reservations, fears, concerns, and speculations are your folly. You stand impeccably independent of all circumstances and design and cannot, I repeat cannot be impaired. Your body and mind are slaves, grateful slaves to your impulses and designs! Your magic, beauty, intelligence, stamina, persistence, determination, your path is divine and untouchable by the hands, mind, spirit of common humanity. You're the greatest deviation of the norm ever stimulated from the vibrating energy that is unmistakably life!!! Your energy, your vibrating impulses of existence are growing, expanding, developing and compounding exponentially like mad baby!!! 'Commanding the Square' 'Commanding the square' is what occurs when a preponderance of the people thereon are focused on one thing. Sometimes the dancers do it, sometimes a fleet of passing fire engines, sometimes the most enthusiastic silverman does it. I, Naked Cowboy, have the best opportunity to do it on a regular basis. This is because unlike the others, I'm there most often, many times without any competition for the crowds attention. I'm also in the middle of Times Square, not on the sidewalks and so I have the unique privilege of being able to command four way traffic instead of one. I'm also the coolest thing there, but that goes with the territory of being bad-ass 101!!! Commercialization of 'Naked Cowboy' Commercial means designed for profit and/or for mass appeal. Commercialize means to exploit for profit. I will dominate the world's markets through the commercialization of the greatest product/service ever created, me, Naked Cowboy. My image/name, message/prophecy, persona/character, and love/divinity I will communicate so incredibly that everyone/everything will seek to channel their missions/products through me!!! To sell you need only a name and a reputation. The better/stronger the name and reputation, the better/stronger the sales potential. I live and breath the name and the reputation of genius!!! My self generating motors of promotion are boundless and eternal and set on total, unbending, unyielding, gratification on/with/through fame unequalled in commercial dominance!!! I thrive on notoriety, I thirst for the spotlight. My energy connects constantly and consistently with a marketing savvy unequalled by any and excessively through all!!! I am an eating, breathing, sleeping, materializing, manifesting commercial built/designed to sell more and more of me, Naked Cowboy!!!!!!!!! For an unlimited time offer no one will refuse. Mr. Serious Remember that staying in the same frame of mind for prolonged periods of time can seem to "bottle up" emotion! Radical biochemical shifts (example the effect of say alcohol), can be an effective vehicle for channeling, or providing an outlet for these suppressed emotions (these suppression period usually harnessed to accomplish seemingly impossible, inhuman workloads and objectives) that can provide awesome power!!! Rationalization When did rationalization become a process of evil? Rationalization means to justify, or to find natural explanation! Rationalization is the greatest gift we have! Use it! Love it! Make everything you want to do great and most beneficial and effective! No one else's' truth need be concern of yours! Your the only one who has to live with you!!! How am I Wired? 1. Being the center of attention equals ultimate pleasure. Cowboy Romanticism 1. Solitary individuals
1. Oh, and I love to kill Indians
I, Naked Cowboy, go out in the dead of winter in any temperature and condition and people are amazed. They seem to forget that George Washington and his army were left stranded and lost limbs and some starved yet they continued not only to fight, but to win and to create the opportunity today to do what I do. This country was built by men who understood that living another minute free, was worth more than living a lifetime under subjugation. Because of my hard-work (actually it is effortless), and commitment to America and what it stands for, Naked Cowboy is now an American Institution. There's no such thing as Anthrax!!! The only thing that matters is the dream! Are you living the dream? Are you inspiring humanity? Are you balls-to-the-wall marketing and promoting, communicating, investing your message to be recorded and admonished for all times??? The dream is yours. You're designing it! It builds your character and resolve to follow your deep-seated ambitions and desires. Remember, you are Naked Cowboy. (Woman remarks on the colors of Naked Cowboy, Red, White, Blue) "Hey I love the colors!" -Woman (Man remarks that he can't believe after two years he still finds me in New York City) "Sir the Statue of Liberty will throw her torch down and swim back to France before I leave this place!" -N.C. Wars are no big deal. They've gone on since the beginning of mankind. They've shifted focus more heavily over here now, they'll in time move out and go elsewhere and then come back again. For every good and evil, every loving act a hateful one. Circumstances will continually change, we can all benefit at all times by just doing our best at whatever we do throughout it all. What to do about the World Trade Center? Well, when people brisk down the sidewalk and smear an ant hill, killing most of them, making their home disappear, three hours later it is rebuilt and not a trace of disaster is present. As for our current representatives and how they're handling things? We're in a democracy. We the people chose them, we the people should respect, honor and stand by them and whatever they feel is necessary to do to govern us. Faith means excepting what is, no anxiety, no frustration, no fear. We live in a world governed by our creator; it's always been that way, it always will. (9/11) "You're a bench mark of calm for the city of New York." -a New Yorker who could easily see what I was doing (911) I think everyone alive consciously, or at least unconsciously knows that the attacks on the World Trade Center were probably the most devastating assault on Freedom the world has ever known. Yet, Freedom prevails!!! I gladly stake my existence on the importance of that Freedom!!! (9/11) I heard that Osama Bin Ladin was quoted as having said that "no American could feel safe until every Palestinian could feel safe. (posing a front double bicep shot for the camera) Well let me say to you Osama, I feel perfectly comfortable and safe here in America. It at any time my actions are not most effective, which is actually not even possible, I can immediately discover what is necessary to enhance my experience. I am the epitome of the American Dream, the American Icon. My mind and therefore my actions are free and determined and destined for greatness. Naked Cowboy represents courage, personal magnetism and strength, compassion, humility, unprecedented contribution/service/love orchestrated through pure powered disciplined actions that benefit every spirit. I have unlimited resources. I am the most powerful man in the world. I stand out in America because of this! It's not a coincidence that I am the one and only man in history with the faith, unshakable faith to communicate to humanity as I do. It's divinity in high-powered motion. It's the unstoppable will of the God nourished human spirit that carries me effortlessly to the people of the world with love. (9/11) I'm communicating the same things I've always communicated, and there's no better time or place to communicate it. A platform if you will? Freedom is the greatest gift a man can be given. It must be actively pursued and courageously preserved. This is the country (USA) where a man can choose to be anything he wants to be! I'm a man taking full responsibility of this privilege, and I sincerely encourage everyone to do the same. (9/11) I got an e-mail from a woman in Indiana who visited NYC over the summer. When she explained that terrorists hit the World Trade Center in the city to her eight-year-old daughter, she replied, "what happened to Naked Cowboy, is he alright?" Well let me answer that e-mail right now. Honey, your dreams and I are perfectly safe here in America. The American Dream lives on in proportion to the state of the American dreamer. I am the best representation of America because I'm exemplifying its possibilities and potentials at a higher level than anyone else! My actions demonstrate my faith in America and what it stands for! Land of opportunity, capitalism, freedom of expression, ingenuity, trademark protection, free-enterprise, self-reliance, rugged individualism, equal protection under the law, egalitarianism, freedom to pursue whatever goals one set's for one's self (self-determination), personal initiative. My actions demonstrate my unshakeable faith in the principles that make Americanism what it is, persistency/consistency, hard work/industry, self determination, ingenuity, entrepreneurship, personal initiative, and the habit of "going the extra mile," which means giving more than is expected and/or paid for. The First Amendment does not protect obscenity. Obscenity is offensive behavior that lacks literary, artistic, political or scientific value. I know if you will use your reason, you will come to the same conclusion that I have, that being that Naked Cowboy is not only, not offensive, but has literary, artistic, political and scientific value. The government can limit the individual's rights only when it's interest in doing so is so strong and compelling that it is justified in doing so. Freedom of speech not only covers the written word, but can be symbolic such as dancing or wearing clothing. Definiteness of Purpose The "most celebrated entertainer of all time!!! The most incredibly polished, spontaneous, talented, hilarious performer of and at all times. The most fabulously built, ripped and determined, toxin-free body and mind ever created. The best-marketed, promoted, captivating, aura-glowing, spirited artist/man of and at all times. The freest, richest, liver/lover of life ever immortalized!!! The only man capable of doing what he does. American Icon 101. True bad-ass no fear cowboy!!! My Identity Perfectionist, cowboy, revolutionary, singer, songwriter, God worshipping man, free-spirit, entertainer, American Icon, nutritionist, salesman, entrepreneur, titan, thinker, genius, guitarist, television personality, radio personality, comedian, public performer, waiter, server, movie star, supermodel, maximizer, transformer, publicist, promotional genius, humanitarian, devoted man, animal lover, healer, nature lover, motivator, hero, gentleman, son, brother, nephew, God father, uncle, gorilla marketer, grandson, fighter, boxer, role model, example, prototype, public speaker, speaker, communicator, prophet, self-help coach, preacher, teacher, coach, inspirer, one-man army, worker, personal trainer, path finder, creator, endless learner, big-time wrestling entertainer, wrestler, runner, tri-athlete, marathoner, titan, warrior, athlete, Naked Cowboy (only one!!!), Olympian, barbarian, god, bachelor (most eligible ever), painter, artist, sculptor, political activist, world traveler, investigator, scientist, chemist, trainer, fitness coach, independent film star, international super celebrity, world's best known and loved cameo, myth, and growing….. Waldo I'm gonna be just like Waldo! Every event, scene, movie, picture, advertisement, website, billboard, Landscape, game, commercial, sporting event, art work, what have you, I'll be there!!! Spectrum of Communication Mindy and I have an argument on Friday. Saturday she claims that she has never had anyone speak as viciously as I do to her at times. I reply that it's what she should expect. I'm the best at everything I do, and if I'm being mean, I'm the meanest. I will use whatever means in the spectrum of communication necessary to get what I want. Bottom line, if you're not in agreement with me, expect to be twisted to that end. American Icon I live in a state of total expectancy. I know my seeds of unfathomable greatness, determination, courage, discipline and perseverance have been and forever will be consistently applied! Financial independence is mine. Total self-freedom and love are mine for eternity. I'm on automatic pilot, soaring for unequalled excitement and reward. My dreams and "Ideal Day" are inescapable and I know that I am blessed for it! My character, me, Naked Cowboy, is a one-of-a-kind genius of ingenuity and design. The world knows, loves, revels and admires me! My life exuberates more and more freedom and love and giving each moment! My message is growing exponentially by the millisecond!!!
speed/ambition, endurance, consistency, passion, concentration, focus, compassion, forgiveness, understanding, empathy, excitement, non-aggression, calm, gentle kindness, gratitude, determination, hard working, belief, faith, congruity, intelligent frugality, prioritization, specialization, simplicity, encouragement, coaching, fearlessness, exoticness, perseverance, persistency, challenge, guidance through example and/or metaphor, curiosity, willingness to listen, complete awareness, generosity, contributor, team player/team world, spirituality, patience, man on a mission, philanthropy, recycler, humanitarianism, courage, and growing…. Gratitude Journal 1. I am oh so grateful to be totally and completely and divinely free to do God's work, now, here, and always in the present. Questions 1. How incredible is it to be an incredibly celebrated, internationally recognized and loved American Icon, living as a youth and contributing positively and immensely daily?
A man on a bike rides by Naked Cowboy on 45th and Broadway and spits on his back while his attention is on a tourist taking his picture. Naked Cowboy takes his guitar strap and slides it over his back to remove the saliva and continues to perform, forgiving the man after about twelve seconds of hidden rage. Naked Cowboy then agrees to work on his recovery time for forgiveness for such petty occurrences. Retirement The majority of the people I know talk about relaxing and taking it easy once they get off of work. They talk of 55 or 65 when they can just do the things that they want to do. A postponement of life if you will? It is the most unruly thing that I can imagine. All I want to do is my work. Being off work is like having my lifeline interrupted. Naked Cowboy is no longer what I do but who I am. Anything other than playing guitar and singing in my underwear just seems pointless! It's the perfect unification of my energy with the energy of the cosmos. Judgment/Intolerance I am not fit to judge anyone! I strive to be better not to belittle others, but to encourage them. Encouragement is a better motivator than intimidation. To make others want to be like me, I must first make them like me. Beauty is as beauty does, right? Intolerance towards others is really just an admission of intolerance towards their behaviors for myself. I actually have no qualms with that person and should rise to the humanity not to act as if so. All resistance and anxiety and frustration I feel towards people, circumstances, or things are just my lack of understanding and recognition that I am part and parcel of all things. I must condition myself to live joyously through both congenial and uncongenial circumstances. Peace, harmony and tranquility are the flowing state of nature, of which I am in fact a part. "Let if flow, then let it go." There are but two states of being that man has ultimately to reconcile him with in every instant, hate and love. Their corresponding behaviors are obvious in every instance. 7 Basic Motives 1. Love: Naked Cowboy is an expression of love for all people, places, animals, things and circumstances. Marketing Strategy Priority R & D. (Ripped and Determined) Cutting Edge I am the cutting edge! No one else is where I am. No one can claim my stake. No one can tell me right or wrong! I do all I can and will not be influenced by anyone else's judgments or criticisms. I will not second-guess myself any more. I will strive, with my sincere loving heart to give all I can and will not take personally, my friends and loved one's weaknesses (inflexibilities). I am divine, in fact, untouchable to circumstances and material influences. My heart, determination, and burning desire rule the cosmos and bring faithfully to me all that I want! My destiny, the "most celebrated entertainer of all time," cannot escape me! Reminders 1. Don't I have all that Bruce Lee ever had? Edutainment I believe this term was coined by Anthony Robbins. I could very well be wrong about that. I believe it to mean a process by which one educates through entertainment. This is what Naked Cowboy does. 30 Days If I had thirty days to live I would go tell everybody I know and could find that I love them and that I sincerely want them to go after every last thing they want and believe they have to contribute, as Naked Cowboy, since this is what Naked Cowboy stands for! New York City, Times Square Beliefs 1. Very few people can claim to have their presence and place on Times Square.
1. I'm unable to leave sir, this is my job. Faith "A man's faith is his full participation in his life's objective, which if he is a real man, is what he can at any time declare, is his reason for existence." -N.C. Motivational/Inspirational
If you're not on the same page as me, expect to be taken out of my book. -N.C. We all trade our time for something. Whatever we chose to do, we do so knowing that we forgo the opportunity to do anything other than that. When asked why I felt it was important to be on Times Square every day that I could be I replied, "my message isn't to become 'the star' and then forgo all the qualities that made me so, it's to be 'the star' and to act like it at all times!" 'Naked Cowboy' is the exception to every rule!!!!!!! By constitution, the one who chooses the mightiest path, becomes the mightiest warrior. "Do you work on Sundays also?" -gym member I spend my days trying to count the people who are counting on me. I work in cowboy boots for 6-8 hours a day, don't tell me about commitment. My image alone commands media attention, my being commands life itself. I've created the greatest persona ever, and I will ride it to victory on a horse wearing underwear!!! I scream songs over five lanes of traffic for 6-8 hours a day. I clearly have the most powerful voice in the world. I'm the most powerful man in the world because I'm summoning all of my spritual powers by remaining completely open to the continuous flow of infinite intelligence that is all things. If information is the commodity of kings, then truth is the commodity of visionaries. -Naked Cowboy There are those who wish they had the balls to live like me, and then there's me. -Naked Cowboy I have my own show now, it's called "Naked Cowboy, King of Planet Earth," it will run till the end of time here on planet earth, to see it, just come and find me. -N.C. With the weight of the world on my shoulders, I choose to do squats. -Naked Cowboy I went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on April 4, 2002 to appear at Troma's "Tromapalloza" and was not allowed to be in the building, according to security. The irony in this will be made most apparent! If you don't see me for a while it's because I'm out in another country serving our brothers and sisters as I do you, working to homogenize the human race so that we can all truly live in peace. Naked Cowboy: the catalyst for the creation of the psychological formula for universal love. Naked Cowboy job description, Bad Ass!!! Why is it that any environment that I step into, I revolutionize it? I improve it by 1110%? This is my world, I'll dress in it the way I want to. "Did you go to 'Naked Cowboy School?" -tourist "My training and nutrition plan ride on the concept of maximization. I eat just enough to live, and I train until I'm just about to die." -N.C. (When confronted with a shallow perspective on what Naked Cowboy does) "I could understand if you were feeding the homeless, curing cancer, aids, some sort of human dilemma?" -Mindy Osborn "When I act like I want my dreams to come true right now (relentless pursuit), my dreams are happening right now!" -N.C. "As a free man, it is not in my nature to be constrained."-N.C. "Is it possible that a man can so sincerely be willing to give all that he has, to live and teach a way of life so passionately, using metaphors and parables that he is one day deemed a modern day messiah?" -N.C. "God didn't make you "one in a billion" with whom he'd be perfectly clear about what he wanted you to do expecting that you'd begin on it's fulfillment tomorrow." -N.C. "No man can walk the heavenly estate of this earth who has not reconciled himself in love with every last soul in it, being that it is his own." -N.C. "You all need to join in on this "Emersonian Transcendental Movement Thing," Naked Cowboy Living! Autarchy at it's finest!!!" -N.C. "The world doesn't pay people for making money. It's pays people for going out and giving themselves to it!" -N.C. "Thank you God for bringing me to this very moment in my life!!!" -N.C. (When hesitant about playing in pouring rain) "This is the last day I've got! I'll ruin the guitar, get sick, whatever the hell, it's my last chance!!!" -N.C. (Preparing to go out on Times Square in 30 degree, gusty wind, cloudy shit weather) "Well hell, I've already conquered every man alive, it's just me against nature now." -N.C. "Naked Cowboy defined, the art of living by one's own objectives." -N.C. "If I perform more often than anyone else, with more passion, and commitment, then I will be the best." -N.C. "How do I get a sense of certainty in my life? I consistently perform as Naked Cowboy giving my all to each and every performance. I selectively orchestrate which events I attend. I continually seek to make better use of my available resources. I repeat what has worked in the past seeking to improve upon them. I make certain to still learn what does and does not serve me in my efforts and I continue to build and strengthen contacts. It's really not rocket science. It's just plain old fashioned commitment." -N.C. Whenever I really feel down in the dumps despite all efforts to climb to super-star status, I simply go out and go for a most challenging, long, run to completely erase my biochemistry and to be back on top! (Ordinary man looks on as the Naked Cowboy passes then remarks to his friend) "There are some things we just weren't meant to understand." -ordinary man "I jump for joy every morning that I wake up!" -N.C. "I'm gonna have 'Naked Cowboy Dollars' that are redeemable at nakedcowboy.com.. I will be able to use it anywhere I want as my name will be as solid and reliable as any currency in the world." -N.C. There have been people who have said that I look desperate? Great, I'd rather look desperate and be out taking action and entertaining people than to be desperate and waiting for someone to give me the opportunity to take action and entertain people. Besides, I've outdone em' all already, by myself! Am I waiting to be discovered? No I was discovered. By me! I discovered that I am destined to be the "most celebrated entertainer of all time" and now I live it daily. To serve this end I model, act, perform, sing, write songs, sculpture, paint, write books and I market and orchestrate business for these talents by myself. I am creating the most prosperous entertainment company of all time, nakedcowboy.com. Why make a living when you can design a life? A callous onlooker once said that I'm "all about myself." I dutifully agree that I am. However, myself, me, I am about getting everything I can out of myself for others. Me, the vehicle, Naked Cowboy, is an entity here to shed healing to the nations. "Every feat is trivial in the eyes of determination." -N.C. I became Naked Cowboy to force myself to live as Naked Cowboy. The bare, naked, best built, most inspiring, most action oriented, determined, hardest working, most sincere, most known hero to humanity and beyond. Happiness results from living in accordance with one's own values. My highest value is creator/honor/duty. What is this to me? It means that above all things I seek to be all I can be because I know my creator made me, I'm his, and I want to dutifully, honor him. I want to demonstrate in all that I do that I am so very grateful for life, it's potentials and responsibilities, the opportunity to serve his infinite variety of manifestations which are also him. To stay on top physically I work harder than anyone else. To stay on top mentally, I think more than anyone else. To stay on top in my chosen life endeavor, I consistently work harder to perfect my talents and I promote to the masses as no one has ever done in the history of the world. I'm not arrogant, I'm confident. Arrogance is the state of existence where there is no responsibility. Where you can legitimate taking care of yourself only and your own personal circles of influence. It's just going to work to make money, paying bills, and gratifying yourself with what you love with no sense of duty and/or obligation to serve your fellow men and women. Arrogance is mainstream, the norm if you will? Confidence is belief in the power of duty and obligation to serve others relentlessly and without fear or hatred. It's believing that you are here for a major purpose, that you are divinely free and able to do it. And, and, and, you are doing it. Your communicating that you are doing it at all times. Christmas and New Years are certain, merry and happy are up to you. -N.C. The only sickness I know is the inability to stop believing in sickness. -N.C. The only thing you need to build muscle is heart. -N.C. Isn't it amazing how much, "I'm hungry" can mean? -N.C. It's National Bad Ass Day, I'm celebrating it, now till the end of time, why don't you join me? -N.C. I'm a peaceful man, humble, kind, compassionate, with no desire to hurt anyone, but if need be, I can kick your teeth in and rip your head off. It's the last card in my deck that I'll play but there if need be. -N.C. I'm not in it for the money, not in the short term anyway. -N.C. If you don't run at least 30-60 minutes every morning before breakfast, on an empty stomach, and likewise in the evening before going to sleep, you are a pussy. -N.C. Few people actually exercise the courage to leap from the platform of existence, to the much higher platform of living. -N.C. I practice, practice, practice to make my brand of performance so damn cool serious that you have to be stunned before you laugh. I want it more than the rest of them (every performer ever existing put together), and my vehicle (Naked Cowboy) is flat out bad-to-the-bone. It encourages, inspires, state crashes, and delivers. "Hey look, there's Mr. Famous." I'm a perfectionist and blessed to be so. It doesn't mean that I think I'm perfect, it means I make the choice to try and be. Maximizing my every resource, capability, talent, and intention I will surely be profound. My stage, where ever I stand, my performance, my every action, my audience, all who come into contact with me. I will give more, act more, and intend more. All will be attracted to my mission and message. Divinity I do humbly admit I seek. Courage, discipline, freedom, confidence, peace, humility, audacity and determination I marshal, I command and I rule, amen. I have an autobiography that runs from the time I was three or four years old. As the most celebrated entertainer of all time, naturally I feel a tremendous responsibility to inform the public what exactly went into the making of my legend and my legacy. Who inspired me? I don't know. Who have I taken a fondness of throughout my life, well, Evil Kinevel, KISS, Rocky, Rambo, Bruce Lee, Anthony Robbins, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Jesus Christ, Ralph Waldo Emerson. They were kick ass spirits. Heroism: Isn't it the purpose, statement, the overall message of Naked Cowboy that faith in one's self and their dreams is absolutely enough. That the unstoppable will of the human spirit with an unquestioned objective is truly unstoppable? Isn't that who I am, Naked Cowboy? The determined man on a mission who persists knowing that he is truly unstoppable? Despite any odds or criticisms? If "First in beauty is first in might," what have I got to worry about? Tolerance: intolerance towards others is really an admission of intolerance towards their behaviors for myself. I actually have no qualms with that person and should rise to the humanity not to act as if so. Discipline: Discipline is paramount to living a most fulfilling life. When a man is disciplined, it is clearly demonstrated in all of his actions. I am absolutely committed to being a monument of unprecedented discipline. With discipline my life's rightful path will unfold before my eyes. I am the man I am destined to be when I act on my disciplines. I will astound all who hear, see and touch me. An example of complete excellence and honor. I am able to cast out demons with my level of discipline. To everyone whose ever committed themselves to living their life by their own objectives, who put their heart and soul into making a positive contribution for others with something that was personally rewarding, I salute you, and stake my entire existence on the confidence I have in your spirit. I have six main areas I work from daily: Promotional/Naked Cowboy, Guitar Singing/Naked Cowboy, Serious Reading/Naked Cowboy Dialogue, Serious Training/Naked Cowboy, Perfect Nutrition/Naked Cowboy, Creation and Development/Naked Cowboy. My financial goal is to be the most Celebrated Philanthropist of all times. My physical goal, to be the best built, healthiest, most beautiful man in the world. My career goal, to be the "Most Celebrated Entertainer of all Time, my Spiritual goal, to walk hand in hand serving God all the days of my life. My social goal, to be a brother and server to every atom in the universe. I am ever increasing the physical demands on, and therefore, the capacity of my physique. It is so energy enhancing and therefore awesome to remain totally ripped. The harder I work, the more I have, the more I have, the more I am able to give. The better I do my work, the better I am for it. The better I am, the more people I can reach with my giving. Naked Cowboy Rules!!!! "People come to NYC to see the best the World has to offer! That's why it's imperative for me to be there! "- NC "I am at all times a perfect, glorified representative of the Soul I've been forever polishing with the Rigors of my life's experience in ceaseless giving of myself." - NC "I built the strongest body/system/vehicle in the world, Naked Cowboy, to withstand the conditions of our time." - NC "I don't just count every dollar that goes into my boot, but I calculate where it's from, where they heard about me, and where the photo will be most effectively marketed after the experience. Marketing genius comes as a result of scrupulously studying the effect of every man and angle in the market.!" -N.C.
(We can be doing far better than we think we are. This is why we must keep conscious track of where we are and where we have been) 1. Worldwide fame and recognition.
I will awake totally refreshed and vibrant after a long night's rest. The oceans, the mountains, the forests and the deserts will be near my door. I will be in a king-sized bed or larger in the company of my beloved, living in one of my castles overlooking one of the world's most beautiful landscapes. The sun will be shining through my large bay windows, and cool ocean breezes will shake the curtains before drifting past my world-renowned, beautiful body. I will awake my loving companion with kisses and compliments in mutual love and harmony before setting onward into another day of bliss and reward. I will exit my beautifully furnished living quarters each morning after a glass or two of mountain spring water to exercise and stretch my beautifully shaped muscles. Nature will abound and abide to my deepest, truest aspirations and temperament. I will return to my castle to enjoy my l | |||